


Valentines Day  - The Heist

by piratesquared



Series: The Chicken and Waffles Universe [6]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Dogpool, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Really Small Pants, Shameless Smut, Valentine's Day, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, Wade is wade, tony is too old for this shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:54:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29437860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piratesquared/pseuds/piratesquared
Summary: “Oh yeah? I’m gonna get you the best thing.”“Petey, baby. I love you, but no. I’m gonna do the best. Because I’m me, and I’m great.”-Wade and Peter's quest to get each other the best gift for Valentines Day turns into an ever increasingly ridiculous game of pranks and oneupman-ship involving Roses, tiny pants, a bemused Hawkeye and as always; one truly pissed off Tony.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Spider-Man/Deadpool
Series: The Chicken and Waffles Universe [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087964
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	Valentines Day  - The Heist

“So err. February huh?”

Peter glanced up at Wade, who was lingering awkwardly at the foot of his bed.

“Yeah?” He replied, turning back to his laptop.

“What’s the date today?”

Peter paused to check. “The 2nd?”

“Wow. Already, huh?”

Peter shot Wade a side eye. He’d started swinging his arms around to clap his hands in front of him.

“Okay, what do you want?”

Wade turned innocent eyes on Peter. “What? Nothing.”

“You’re being annoying. What?”

Wade sighed and scratched the back of his head. “Do you want to do that thing?”

“We did that thing earlier.”

“Not that! Although, if that’s on the table…”

“Wade.”

“Okay! Valentines, are you bothered?”

Peter’s tummy did a flop.

“Oh! Oh, I hadn’t thought about it.”

Apart from the four straight hours of obsessing over a present resulting in being booted out of Tony’s lab for Googling experimental weapons.

“Oh. Well let’s not bother then.”

Peter closed his laptop and turned to face Wade. “No, if you want to we can?”

“I’ll be honest, all I’ve ever done for Valentines is have sex.”

Peter smirked. “I’d expect nothing else. Might not fill the whole day though, any other ideas?”

Wade shrugged. “I dunno, what do I deserve?”

Peter rolled his eyes and stood from the bed. “You already have me! You want more?!”

Wade grinned and pulled him close by his waist. “Hmm. Get me what you think I’m worth then.”

“Oh yeah? I’m gonna get you the best thing.”

“Petey, baby. I love you, but no. I’m gonna do the best. Because I’m me, and I’m great.”

“Sounds like you’ve already got yourself a Valentines.”

“Hey with everyone that lives in my head, who even knows!”

Peter laughed. “Okay then Wilson. Challenge starts now. Surprise me.”

“Oh baby, I’m gonna.”

-

February 4 th

Wade started small. Calling in a hoax help call for Spidey.

Peter arrived at the location he’d been sent to by Tony and slipped in through the conveniently (and now suspiciously) open window of the abandoned warehouse. He landed on the floor with a flump; seconds later the lights sprung on and he was hit in the face with a literal bomb-load of roses.

After he’d recovered, he text Wade.

_‘5/10. Too many thorns.’_

Wade made it up to Peter by picking them all out later.

-

February 6 th

Peter decided to go for a more tactful response.

If you can count standing in tiny Deadpool boxers he’d found in the kids section (why is that lunatic marketed at kids!?) and an I Heart Deadpool tee shirt he’d swiped from the womens; and texting his boyfriend that he needs to _‘get home immediately!’_ as tact.

Wade didn’t care, he ravished Peter in the tee, later giving him a B+ for effort.

-

February 8 th

Wade decided his next attempt should follow on from Peter’s. Essentially, they were gonna bang, and it was going to be glorious.

He was just admiring his handiwork when he heard a familiar soft flop behind him signaling his favourite arachnid’s arrival.

“Wade?” Peter called out as he pulled off his mask.

“Hey, Honey!”

“Hi.” Peter walked towards him. “Want to fill me in on why we’re on a roof?”

Wade turned and smiled, something about Peter in his suit with no mask just gave Wade so much joy.

“Well my little Spider-Petey, I thought we could have a little rooftop date. Like, a picnic. Only err, I forgot most the food.”

“So we’re just gonna sit on a blanket on a rooftop and- we’re gonna have sex, aren’t we?”

Wade grinned. “Yep! Like the good old days.”

“Oh, yay. So romantic!” Peter deadpanned. “Shall I put my mask back on for ultimate nostalga?”

“Ooh. Kinky.”

Peter frowned. “You’re serious, aren’t you? Babe, we have sex all the time, how is that special?”

“Right, forget it! You try and be romantic and look what it gets you.”

“Screwing on a rooftop is hardly romantic…”

Wade let out a solid _hmfph!_ And spun on his heel.

“Wade? Oh, come on Baby, don’t do this!”

No, it was too late. Wade was in full sulk mode now. Stood with his back to Peter with his arms crossed, even dropped a hip a little. Divapool activated.

“Wade? C’mon I’m sorry.”

Wade tilted his head. “How sorry?”

“Like, so sorry. Like, get over here so I can show you how sorry.”

Wade turned to peek over at Peter. “Hmm. Not sure I want to now.”

“Oh Wade. Come here and get naked already!”

“I knew you only wanted me for my goods.”

“Oh sure, that’s why I hung out with you. I saw your dick print through your spandex and was all ‘I need to get me some of that.’”

“I was right!”

“Wade!”

Wade sauntered over to Peter, taking hold of his hips. “Starting to sound a little desperate there, Baby Boy.”

Peter pouted. “This was your plan, dork.”

“True that. Better wriggle yourself out of that tight _tight_ fabric then.”

Peter rolled his eyes but reached behind his head and undid his suit.

Wade’s hands were on him before he even realised. “Let me… help you out there.”

Peter turned his back to Wade with a smirk. “You can’t resist, can you?”

“What you? Never.”

Peter’s stomach fluttered, he felt the cool breeze hit his skin, followed a second later by Wade’s lips. The fluttery feeling swirled down to his crotch and he let out a sigh.

“I never used to get that.”

Wade grinned and pushed at Peter’s sleeves.

“You never used to get this either.” He replied as Peter pulled his arms free.

Peter made to reply but the words were lost on a groan as he felt Wade’s tongue poking at an increasingly familiar part of his body.

“Wade….”

“Mmm?”

“Don’t hum!”

Wade pulled away with a smirk. “What do you want?”

Peter glanced around. “Honestly not to be this naked right now.”

“Why not?”

“It’s the middle of the day Wade! Someone could see.”

Wade sat back on his heels. “We’re a million feet up in the air, Sugar. Who’s gonna see us?”

Peter shrugged for lack of a response.

“Look, unless our fun sized robot loving Starky flies past, I’d say we’re good. And it won’t be the first time he’s seen us.”

“That’s not the point-”

“U _ghhhhhh fineeee._ ” Wade cut him off with a whine. “It’s a good job there’s a hideaway over there then isn’t there?”

Peter looked down at him with his finest glare. “You’re a dick.”

“No Honey, this is a dick.” Wade said as he reached around and gave Pete a grope. He giggled as he was slapped away and pushed himself to his feet.

“This way then, Princess.”

He led them both over to the corner of the roof next to the fire escape door. Peter looked at the little makeshift tent and rolled his eyes.

“Do I amaze you, Baby?”

“Amaze is not the word.”

Wade grinned and dropped to his knees, holding out a hand for Peter to join him.

Okay. The tent did have blankets on the floor and a couple of cushions and how had he got all this stuff up here? Peter figured it wasn’t the time to ask.

He was proved right as he felt Wade’s mouth at his neck.

“Okay now?” He mumbled against Peter’s skin.

“Uhuh…” Peter shuffled round until he was knelt in front of Wade, his back pressed against the cool fabric of Wade’s suit.

“You gonna, get a little less dressed at all?”

Wade smirked, teeth grazing Pete’s neck. “All for my goods.” He said softly.

Peter rolled his eyes again, this time with a smile. “You are impossible.”

Wade was busy wriggling out of his clothes. “It’s why you love me!”

“You might be right.”

Wade was soon behind him again, hands at Peter’s hips as he gently nudged him forward.

“Oh I see how it is. Straight on my knees, no romance now.”

“Baby Boy. You wound me. I could put my tongue back in your a-”

“This is fine!” Peter blurted out, ears turning pink as he heard Wade laugh behind him. He attempted to kick his legs out of what remained of his suit, Wade helped, grabbing boots and fabric and pulling everything free in one. He dumped it somewhere behind him, fully prepared for the tangled complaints that it would cause later.

“Romance comes after.” Wade answered quietly as he moved in close and dropped a kiss at the top of Peter’s spine. He set off a sloppy wet trail down Peter’s back, until he reached Peter’s backside.

“Sure you don’t want me to….?” Wade said, trailing a finger down between Peter’s ass cheeks.

Peter shook his head. “Fingers will do.”

“As you wish, Gorgeous.”

It never took long to prepare them anymore, he knew Peter’s limits and was soon lining himself up against his Spider.

“Ready, Baby?”

Peter nodded, dropping his head to rest on his hands as Wade pushed inside.

He swiftly got up to speed, fingers pressing firm into Peter’s hips as Peter spread his legs more, arching his back and moaning against Wade’s thrusts. Wade looked down at the sight before him, Peter spread out and completely exposed to him, whining and moaning because of him. Wade didn’t know how he coped, Peter had him completely fucked up.

“Fuck, I love you so much.”

“Mmm too, Wade, God, please.”

“Anything, Baby.”

Peter waved a hand back at Wade, the Merc took the hint and grabbed it, wrapping his other arm around Peter’s chest and hauling him onto his knees. He dropped his hands back to Peter’s hips and picked up the pace, Pete’s head fell to Wade’s shoulder as the latter’s mouth attacked his neck.

“Close?”

“Gettin’ there.”

Wade let one hand slip around, wrapping it around Peter’s neglected cock and smirking as it quickly came back to life.

“Gonna go for me? Huh? Go first Baby, let me feel it.”

Peter groaned desperately. “Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Peter raised a hand and tugged Wade’s head down into an awkward kiss. It was sloppy and their teeth cracked together but he didn’t care.

“C’mon Baby Boy. Go for me.” Wade continued as soon as they broke apart. He felt Peter start to tense up and stroked him faster. “That’s it, gonna be a good boy for me?”

Peter would never admit that the dominance stuff worked for him, but he didn’t need to, Wade’s words proved it anyway. He came in Wade’s hand as his praises filled Pete’s ears.

“Wade…” He pushed his hips back and Wade groaned. “I’m almost there.”

Wade had dropped the pace as he’d focused on Peter, but his body ached for his own release. Peter had fell back down to his knees and Wade took full advantage, forgoing his hips he chose instead to grab Peter’s shoulders, driving in deep as he chased after the fuzzy sensations creeping into his brain.

Peter moaned shamelessly, too spent to care as Wade pounded inside him. A couple more hard thrusts and he was gone, nails digging into Peter’s skin as he came hard. Peter braced as best as he could, head in the pillow as his fingers tangled in the blanket. Wade collapsed on top of him a moment later, heavy breaths puffed over Peter’s still-sensitive skin as the web-slinger’s arms threatened to buckle.

“Wade…”

“Petey?”

“You’re heavy.”

Wade smirked but managed to haul himself up, dropping onto the floor as Peter fell and rolled onto his back.

The two lay quiet as their breathing leveled out, a cool breeze blew into the tent, slowly bringing the noise of the outside back into focus.

Wade shuffled close to Peter, pecking a kiss into his hair as Peter tipped his head back. “Hey, there.”

Peter smiled. “Hey yourself. Shoulders was new.”

“Yeah I’m trying some things out, thoughts?”

Peter bit back a grin. “Interesting, could get used to it. Might need to cut your nails though.” He rubbed a hand over the small ridges in his shoulder.

Wade grinned, moving up to kiss between Peter’s fingers. “I’m sure you’ll live.” He sat up, stretching his arms above his head, as much as the tent would allow.

“You know, I can’t believe you still haven’t figured out why this place is so special.”

Peter rolled his eyes but sat up, resting his arms on his knees. “Okay Cupid, I’ll humour you. Why?”

Wade looked away with a small shrug. “This is the roof I first met you on.”

Peter was stunned. “How… Is it?”

Wade nodded. “Yeah.”

“How did you remember that? It was the middle of the night.”

“There’s a launderette down on the street, it has a super old, fifties style poster in the window.”

“Yeah but why would you remember it? It was just a random night.”

“I met you, was important enough for me.”

Peter smiled softly, getting to his knees he crawled up behind Wade, wrapping his arms around the other man’s neck. “You’re very sweet, you know that?”

Wade shrugged. “Yeah, whatever.”

“Mean it.” Peter replied, kissing just above where Wade’s eyebrow should be. “I like that that kinda stuff matters to you.”

“Well, you matter.”

Peter smiled. “From what I can remember, you spent most of that night talking to yourself.”

Wade smirked. “Yeah but a lot of it was _about_ you.”

Peter giggled. “Wanna pack this up and go get something to eat?”

“Music to my ears, Baby.”

-

“So, do I win?” Wade had asked just as Peter was drifting off to sleep that night.

“Not a chance.”

-

February 9 th

“Sorry, run that past me again, you’ve been what?”

Peter shrugged sheepishly at Clint. “We’ve been kind of, having a competition.”

“What kind of competition?”

“Like, for Valentines? Who can do the best thing for the other one.”

Clint rubbed his eyes. “Shit, I usually just get girls flowers.”

Peter smirked. “Wade got me roses. Sort of.” He rubbed his arm at the memory.

Clint raised an eyebrow.

“So are you taking it in turns or what?”

“Yeah, and it’s my turn and I’m stumped.”

“Well what did he do last?”

“He had me meet him on the roof we met on and then err-”

Clint waved his hands in the air. “Don’t, I don’t need to know.” He drummed his fingers on the table as Peter flopped down with a soft huff.

“So… clearly sex is off the table. What else have you done?”

“He surprised me with flowers, I wore some of his merchandise then the roof thing.”

“You two are the weirdest couple I’ve ever known.”

Peter grinned. “Why, thank you.”

Clint shook his head. “You’re clearly overexposed to him, you poor thing.”

“Yeah I’m a lost cause, now help me win this competition so I can rub it in my boyfriend’s face.”

Clint laughed and put on his best thinking face.

“So it needs to be something big, something flashy… Are flash-mobs still a thing? Or are all you kids over that now?”

Peter’s head snapped up as he stared at Clint. “You might be onto something there.”

Clint shrugged. “Would it freak him out?”

“It would have to be something he likes.”

“Well what does Wade like? Apart from you, obviously.”

Both men fell silent, Peter was staring wide eyed at the archer. 

“Clint, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Get your laptop. We’ve got work to do.”

A day later Wade was stood in the park, dressed in his regular clothes with Dogpool sat at his feet, waiting for Peter.

He spotted a familiar red and blue suit and frowned, convinced Peter had left his place that morning clad in his favourite hoody and those old jeans that hung to his ass just right.

Wade was getting distracted.

This Spidey definitely wasn’t wearing the nice fitting ass jeans. He was also staring straight past him. Then, before Wade could even respond to his own dismay at being ignored, another Spider-Man arrived. And then another.

Before Wade knew it there was a good forty-odd Spider-folk standing around in the park. Wade glanced down at an equally confused Dogpool and pulled out his phone.

_“Petey? Either something very weird is happening in the park or I’ve finally gone completely insane.”_

Peter smirked as he read the message from where he was standing behind a tree, just close enough to be able to make out Wade’s face. He flicked off Wade’s messages and sent one to a group chat that simply read:

_“Dance.”_

Wade recognised the music instantly; and frowned as Wham!’s Freedom blasted out from a speaker and all the Spideys fell into line, busting out moves in perfect time. Peter crept up behind Wade, who was mesmerised by the mob in front of him.

“Enjoying yourself?”

He spun round, eyes wide until they fell on Peter. “Oh my God! Did you do this?”

Peter smirked. “Well, I had a little help.” He spotted Clint a little ways across the park watching with amusement, the archer raised his head when he felt eyes on him and waved to Peter with a grin.

“Do you like it?”

“Well. It’s not the Spidey I’d prefer to have gyrating in front of me but, yeah. You got me, pretty cool Petey.” He subtly hooked a hand into Peter’s pocket, pulling him close. “I still prefer the original though.”

“You better.”

Wade looked back over his shoulder. “They’re good, where’d you find em?”

“Internet. We put out a ‘Spider-Man needs your help!’ post and here they are.”

“We?”

“Like I said, I had help.”

Peter pointed Clint out in the small crowd that had gathered and Wade smiled. “I think that might be cheating Petey.”

“Hey you got Tony to text me about the warehouse.”

“No I called in a phoney help call. Completely different.”

“So I don’t win?”

Wade shook his head. “Sorry Baby. Good try though. Multiple you’s is like my wet dream.”

“Lovely. I’m gonna go stand with Clint now.”

Wade pouted.

“I’m sure we can get him to tire out Dogpool?”

“Now that, my number one Spider, sounds like a plan.”

Peter wasn’t wrong. They spent the rest of the afternoon, after the Spider-Mob had left, sat on the grass with Clint as he fired arrows for Dogpool to catch and chased him around the park. Wade watched the warm smile on Peter’s face and found himself mirroring it. He really needed to pull it out the bag for his finale.

\--

February 12 th

For his next attempt, Wade went big.

He’d done just enough to make it onto the news, he was sure of it.

-

“What the hell? Peter, I think this might be for you.”

Peter frowned up at Tony, then turned to the screen he was pointing at. He saw the bodies laid out to spell ‘I <3 U’ and a pile that made a pretty impressive looking spider, and smiled. Point to Wade.

“I didn’t know you guys were going public.” Peter looked away from the screen with a frown.

“What? We’re not.”

Tony tilted his head toward to screen.

“Does Wade know that?”

-

_“Does Wade know that?”_

Later, as Peter sat in his tiny apartment, Tony’s words kept swirling around his head. He sighed and found his phone, deleting texts to Wade until he finally settled on:

_“Okay. You win.”_

“Aha! Time to become sushi, asshole! Geddit? Because your name is Sue-”

“I got it.” Answered the goon, who looked entirely too bored to be currently pinned to a wall by Deadpool.

“Well then, time to-” both men stopped as the happy notes of the Spider-Man theme rang out from Deadpool’s pouches.

“Is that… Spider-Man?”

“.……no.” Wade replied, after an unnecessarily long pause. He fished out his phone with one hand, reading the message he frowned.

“Sorry Sue, looks like I gotta take a rain check on the whole fish rolls thing.”

“And I was having so much fun.”

Wade laughed madly. “Really Sue? A murderer with a quick wit? It’ll never catch on.”

Peter glanced at his phone as it rang. He hovered over the answer button for a whole 30 seconds before accepting.

“Yeah, Wade?”

“Babe? What’s wrong?”

“Wrong? Nothing, why?”

Wade was pacing up and down the alley.

“You’re a terrible liar, what’s with all this I’ve won crap?”

Peter shrugged to himself. “You’ve won, I can’t top that.”

“Has something happened? Where are you?”

“I’m- nothing’s happened, Wade. I’m fine.”

“Tough, I’m coming over. Are you at home?”

“I… yeah, Wade.”

“I’ll be right over.” The call disconnected and Peter flopped back on the bed, his Deadpool bear tucked under his head.

Soon, possibly disturbingly soon, Peter got a knock on his window. He unlocked it and padded back over to the bed as Wade dropped inside.

“So come on then, what’s wrong?”

Peter held his hands out. “Nothing! You didn’t need to come round.”

Wade pulled his mask off and Peter’s breath hitched like it always did. Wade moved in close and touched his hip.

“Pete.”

Peter looked down at their feet.

“What’s happened?”

He shrugged. “Just, I saw your latest Valentine on the news.”

Wade managed to not cheer out-loud at this success, going instead for a casual. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t you like it?”

Peter shrugged again. “well, it made me laugh but than Tony said;”

“Oh, Tony! Why didn’t I guess? What’s the pint-sized asshole said this time? And don’t you dare shrug!”

Peter lowered his shoulders. “He just, asked when we decided to go public.”

“We… haven’t’?”

“That’s what I said but he reckons that’s pretty obvious.”

“Would that be so bad?”

“Wade…”

Peter met Wade’s eyes and instantly wished he hadn’t.

“I’m taking that as a yes.”

“You don’t understand, it’s my reputation-”

“Your reputation that you wouldn’t date a guy like me? Or, just one that looks like me?”

“Wade, come on! I don’t care about that, you know I don’t.”

“Oh, not until your precious fans might find out, no.”

“You’re being ridiculous. Maybe if you could go a week without killing anybody it’d be different!”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I didn’t kill a guy today actually!”

“Oh well done, call the press.”

Wade stepped back from Peter. “You know what Pete? Fine, game over.”

“Wade…”

He pulled his mask back on and moved towards the window.

“Call me when you’ve decided whether I’m good enough or not.”

“Wade!” Peter called after him but Wade was already gone. Peter fell down on the bed and sighed miserably.

-

Wade dropped down off the fire escape far higher than he should’ve, something definitely broke in his leg but he was too fuming to care.

“Fucking… Tony. And his big ugly sky scraper and his opinions and his fucking gorgeous Steve that he doesn’t even deserve…”

It took Wade a good fifteen minutes of stomping and grumbling to make it back to the alley where he’d left Sue attached to a drainpipe. The goon actually looked pleased to see him, until he heard the heavy breathing.

“Sooo… no more jokes?”

Wade raised his sword and Sue tensed, until it came down onto the bindings, cutting him free.

“You’re letting me go?”

“I’m suddenly not in the mood, lucky you.”

“Who have I got to thank for this honour?” Sue asked as he rubbed his wrists.

Wade’s fist tightened around the handle on his blade. “Do me a favour okay? If you ever get the chance to fuck with Tony Stark? You go right on ahead.”

Sue smirked, recalling the ringtone. “Just Stark?”

Wade waved a hand in the air. “Like, don’t hurt him? And don’t touch his friends. But I guess if a bunch of his precious shiny shit went missing, it wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

Sue nodded. “Copy that, see you around, Dead-Man.”

“Yeah, fuck off.”

He watched Sue run from the alley and huffed. “I need a literal ton of drinks.”

-

Peter had moped around for a good hour since Wade left, composing and deleting texts to him and desperately hoping he’d come back. But he didn’t.

He grabbed his phone and swiped away from Wade, settling instead on his favourite agony aunt.

_“Tell Tony he was right.”_

Steve glanced over from his papers when his phone beeped. Tony looked up from the stove.

“It’s Pete…. What have you done now?”

Tony frowned. “Hey! I’ve been here cooking, I’m innocent!”

“Then why does he want me to tell you you were right?”

Tony thought for a minute. “He was here when Wade’s latest stunt came on earlier.”

“And what did you say?”

“I just mentioned that it was a pretty good way to out their whole relationship, is all.”

Steve was replying to Peter with a frown, it grew when Peter answered instantly. “Well now they’ve had a huge row and Wade’s stormed out on him.”

“He’s done what? Right, put that on a low simmer, I’ll be right back.”

Steve’s frown didn’t budge as he watched Tony rush off.

“Tony? Hey!”

“I’ll be right back!” Came his rapidly disappearing voice. Steve had an uneasy feeling in his chest.

It didn’t take too long for Tony to spot Wade, the red and black suit stood out like a sore thumb against the grey skyline. He was sat on a roof edge, legs dangled over the side as he moodily cleaned his gun.

He didn’t have chance to look up at the thrusters behind him before hearing a familiar voice.

“Hello? Telegram for a Mr. Iva FuckedUp?”

Wade growled under his breath and held out his gun. “I. Am not. In the mood.”

“You upset Peter.”

Wade whirled, jumping to his feet without a care for falling, he jabbed his finger in Tony’s breastplate. “ _You_ upset him! We were fine before you went opening you stupid… metal… mouth.”

“You know I’m inside a suit right?”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Tony dropped down on the roof, popping open his helmet. Wade kept his mask firmly down.

Tony casually eyed the numerous beer bottles scattered around their feet before Wade spoke again.

“What’s it got to do with you, anyway? Why are you always sticking your nose in?”

“When Peter’s sad, it ruins my evening. So stop making him sad.”

“Oh, I’m sorry you don’t get to bang America.”

He really was, Wade thought to himself, getting denied Cap booty must be awful. But still, he hated Tony.

Tony’s jaw tightened. Jesus Christ he hated Wade. “Listen up LabRat, I care about Peter okay? And when he gets upset, it bothers me. And I know it bothers you.”

“Of course it does! He’s all that matters to me, Stark. Its about time you realised that.”

Tony sighed. “Look, it’s not me you need to convince, I’m not the one at home right now crying into my pillow over you am I? Now, I’m not about to stand here and pretend I think you’re good enough for him because I don’t.”

“Well, thanks very much.”

“Jesus Christ, Wilson! Just for once in your life listen to me, okay?”

Wade shut up and stared at him, at least, Tony figured he did. Was always hard to tell with those creepy eye-holes.

“Yes, I don’t think you’re good enough for Peter. I also don’t think I’m good enough for Steve, but I’ll be damned if I don’t spend all my time trying to convince him otherwise.”

“So, what’s your point?”

“My point is, Numb Nuts, call your goddamn boyfriend already. Because right now he thinks you couldn’t care less about him, and I’m about ready to tell him he’s right.”

Wade shrugged and looked at the floor, Tony sighed heavily. “Look, I got spaghetti cooking that’s probably completely ruined by now, do me a favour and check in with him alright?”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I tried my best. See you around, Wade.”

Wade frowned as Tony slapped down his helmet and boosted off into the air; digging out his phone.

-

Peter woke with a groan, fumbling for his phone under the pillows. He found it and blearily looked at the screen, his heart thumping when he saw Wade’s photo grinning back at him.

“Wade?”

“Petey? Pete. That you?”

Peter frowned at the slurred voice on the other end. “Are you drunk?”

“I don’t think I can get drunk? Maybe. Yes? I don’t know. I did drink.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m. I just, I’m home. With the dog.”

Peter sighed relieved. He didn’t want to have to go Wade hunting tonight.

“Petey? Are we, are you okay? I went too far didn’t I? I’m sorry…”

“Wade-”

“I know you don’t like the death stuff, I forget sometimes. I just thought it would look cool...”

“Wade shut up. I’m okay.”

“Oh. That’s good. I’m glad.”

The line went quiet for a moment, Peter could vaguely hear Dogpool snuffling around near the handset.

“Wade don’t ever leave like that again okay?”

Peter’s voice wobbled and Wade’s heart ached.

“I won’t never, ever again promise. I love you so much Pete. So much, you don’t even know.”

“I love you too Wade, I’m gonna show you how much.”

They fell asleep still on the phone, Peter drifting off to Wade’s drunken ramblings.

\--

February 14 th

Peter was up early, he’d left Wade’s before it was light, telling his bed buddy he’d had a call from Aunt May and he’d be right back, before grabbing his suit and bag and heading outside.

Clint had picked him up at the door, one of two accomplices he’d enlisted to help with his final plan. The other being Steve; who was under strict instructions to keep Tony occupied at all costs. An order he, naturally, was taking very seriously.

Tony had looked from his restraints to Steve’s raised eyebrow and smirked. What a great day this was going to be.

_“The robot is deactivated x”_

Peter read the message from Steve and grinned, typing back a quick _“Have fun! ;) x”_ He stared up at Stark Towers and gulped.

Clint let him out onto the helipad with a smirk. “Tony’s gonna kill you for this, you realise that right?”

Peter shot him a toothy grin. “Oh yeah, for sure.”

“Still gonna do it?”

Peter pulled on his mask and swung his bag onto his back. It’s contents clunked together nosily. “Watch me.”

\--

Wade yawned and blinked his eyes open as his phone buzzed on the table. He grasped around for it and frowned one eyed at the message from Clint.

_“Switch on the news. There’s something you’re gonna wanna see.”_

Wade padded out into the lounge, finding the remote under the dog he flicked through until he came to the news. He smirked at a live report about Stark’s tower being vandalised, until they zoomed in on the cause.

There, in huge bright red letters, spray painted across the glass, was ‘S.M <3 D.P X’

The news reporter was attempting to shed light on what this could mean but Wade knew instantly, he was grinning madly and it only grew when he spotted a pair of very familiar red and blue legs dangling from inside the giant A on the tower.

Peter’s phone buzzed in his bag and he fished around for it.

_“You’re fucking crazy, you know that? x”_

He laughed freely at the message, typing back a quick _“So I’m guessing I win? X”_

Wade’s reply was swift. _“Yeah, you bastard. Now get back here so I can give you your reward x”_

Peter had never swung faster in his life.

-

February 15 th

The day after Valentines wasn’t so exciting.

Tony had eventually gotten free and basically lost his entire shit at Peter, then Steve and then Clint, the final man getting an extra earful for finding the whole thing so hilarious, and demanded they fix it.

So that’s how Peter found himself back out on the side of the Tower, this time with a bucket and sponge, scrubbing away at the paint. Clint had soon joined him, although he was attached to a rope.

“How come Steve doesn’t have to help us?”

Peter smirked. “Oh, Tony had a different punishment for him.”

Clint shuddered. “Ew. Think I’d rather be out here.”

Peter laughed.

“So, was it worth it?” Peter glanced over at Clint, then at the helipad where Wade was sat filling up buckets. The Merc looked over at them and smiled widely, waving a soppy sponge at Pete.

“God, yes.”


End file.
